want to first warn anyone reading this that some of these details are disturbing and may be triggering for victims of grooming and emotional and sexual abuse. It has taken me years to find the courage to come forward and I have decided to speak out anonymously because sadly I feel that this is the only way I can be fully transparent without harassment and retaliation. I was groomed by lan Cole for four years, starting when I was a minor in high school. My first sexual encounter with lan was when I was a minor in high school. He had been playing in the NHL for a few years at that point. He was very well aware of my age and that I was a teen in high school. He pressured me into having sex with him that night, even though I made it very clear I did not want to, he would not take no for an answer. was too young to understand at the time that pressuring someone into sex was sexual assault. After meeting for the first time, lan sought out my number from a friend and continuously asked to see each other again. He would frequently pressure me to do things without my consent, that I had made clear to him I was not ok with, like refusing to wear condoms. The one time he did wear a condom, he used it as a means to humiliate me by saying he would only wear one because "You're probably riddled with STDs." When I was in high school, he would ask me to leave school and meet up with him in the hotel room the NHL was paying for in my school uniform. On a few occasions, he asked me to bring other girls from my high school with me, which I refused to do.
He would make derogatory misogynistic comments. He bragged about all of the other girls he was sleeping with and show me their angry texts to him while laughing about how they thought they were dating. He would say how much he appreciated that I was the only one who understood that he couldn't do commitment and how deeply he cared about me. It's obvious now he showed me these texts to manipulate me to be desperate for his approval and less likely to speak out. I was targeted by him because he knew I was an inexperienced teen who could be easily taken advantaged of in this way.
When I got to college, I found out he had slept with a girl who was a minor at my former high school. Not only was he grooming me, but he was now doing this to other girls. When I confronted him with how disturbed | was, he quickly became angry and dismissive. He accused me of only being angry because I thought we were in a relationship. It was another attempt to manipulate me. Years later, one of lan's former NHL teammates told me that lan had bragged about sexually assaulting me as a minor the first night we first met to their teammates. He was able to recall details to me that only lan and I would have known about, meaning that many on his team were aware he was involved with a minor. I felt violated all over again.
lan felt emboldened to emotionally and sexually abuse me and other women because the NHL fosters a culture of misogyny. The NHL needs to hold themselves and their players accountable for creating an enabling environment of misogynistic and predatory behavior. Those who defend his character are the ones who have enabled him to do this for so long, and know very well of his abusive behavior toward women. Anyone who truly knows lan and the way he talks about women will not be surprised by any of this. Coming forward as a victim of grooming and abuse is extremely difficult. It's easy to have shame and blame yourself, that you should've known better, but then I remember that I was taken advantage of as a minor by a fully grown adult man. As a teen, I didn't even know what grooming was. When you're young and this happens to you, you don't realize you are a victim. As I got older and built self esteem, I started to fully understand the extent of what had happened to me and that this could never have been consensual. dont think lan ever expected me to have the courage to speak out. It is painful to have to relive it, but I hope that this encourages more people to speak out about their own experiences of grooming and abuse. And I am truly proud of myself that I am finally able to have the courage to come forward with the truth.
